Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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