I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
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hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
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The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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