Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
