so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
