I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
