would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
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woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
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Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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