you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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