I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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