Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
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There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
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So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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