1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
