I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
