I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
