That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
