i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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