just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
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