Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
