just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
