On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
