My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
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