My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
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