Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
