My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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