It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize