Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
