Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
