I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I need to stop coming to work sober
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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