and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
the raccoons are back...
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