I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
