D3 body, D1 cock
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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