omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
