My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
