I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
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