I got chris browned last night
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Randomize
