i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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