oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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