That's intense
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
