Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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