The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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