he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
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