Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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