I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
