she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
