it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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