My hand turned me down
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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