anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
