Sacagawea was the original milf.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
