hell yes lets make some ravioli
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
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