I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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