Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
