I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
