there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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