just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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