no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Randomize
