Christians are straight up FREAKS
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Randomize
