when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
