Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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