guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
