had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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