he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
