Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
