So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
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The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
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Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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