I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
