Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
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My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
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Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
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