I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
