420 ftw
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
