; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
