I skipped work to stalk him.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
