You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
